Home and Family

In an earlier article, I wrote about 7 positive psychology behaviors that helped me survive some very traumatic experiences. As I approach the end of another pregnancy, I find myself feeling anxious and over-protective. Looking for ways to stay calm, I’ve found an 8th important behavior: experiencing and acting on compassion for the sufferings of others.

Infatuation with speed is a characteristic of our times. We live in the fastest phase of human history. That can lead to what Larry Dossey in 1982 termed time-sickness, as we become fearful of missing out. The ability to stay with the discomfort of life’s paradoxes and our own ignorance and to remain patient and still while questions and answers grow in never-ending cycles, requires a certain mental toughness that seems to be on its way out in a world in a hurry.

Two years ago, my two-year-old son suffered a severe scald burn covering 16 percent of his body. My unborn baby had a birth defect needing attention. In the year-and-a-half that followed, I saw my boys through four surgeries. I went through two surgeries myself after a complicated second trimester pregnancy loss. Seven particular tools from positive psychology helped me come through some very difficullt times. I believe I have experienced posttraumatic growth following these adversities, and Roepke and Seligman’s recent article helps me see why.

It took three weeks of focused effort in between my coaching clients to retrieve my basement and garage from the eyesore category. I admit it was not all play. There was back-bending, muscle-aching grunt work involved. But in my humbly proud mind, the journey’s end was titled “Positivity Parked Here!”

How about you? What paths do you choose to clear? Here’s to work/play lighting your way to flourishing.

As a mother, I knew what was best for him, I told myself. I could not trust his teenage judgment. But something deeper prompted me to question my reasoning. Did I fear knowing his goals in case they were different from mine? Was I running away from the possibility that his ideals of success would not measure up to societal standards? Would I be able to face it if they didn’t? I slowly began to see myself hiding behind the guise of motherhood.

Love Sense is indeed about romantic love as popularly defined. More specifically the book targets prospects for “happy ever after.” According to Johnson’s clinical experience, despite inevitable conflicts or setbacks, true long range love is no fairy tale. This book is also about the many other forms of strong attachment because the author believes the roots of all human affection are essentially the same.

My twins’ busy schedules had become a source of worry for me. Rare were the moments when I saw them relax with a storybook, while the afternoon away with friends, or unwind by throwing hoops in the basketball net.

So I made taking time out a priority.

Although life may simply be a meaningless ride that we try and cloak with a fulfilling purpose, humor allows us to laugh at the insignificance of most things in the vast flow of human experience and yet connect to what we find truly important.

Ran enlists the help of several luminaries along the way, including Barbara Fredrickson, Sonja Lyubomirsky and Philip Zimbardo, to help him to understand the science of his experiment. Ran also learns from the individuals he meets at truck stops, gas stations, and motels and realizes that the “ride of your life” can take place even if you never leave your hometown.

This year, I have decided to build a mud-room in my mind. Yes, I can see your confusion, but hear me out and it will begin to make more sense.

My first-born has left the nest. Like the mother bird that nurtured and tended, I watch her fly away with pride and just a little trepidation. What strengths can I draw on to deal with my heart filled with longing?

It may be easier to advocate for positive psychology when life is on an upward slope, but for me, it has been the tough times that have truly shown me the value of the science. In July less than 24 hours after facilitating the Penn Resilience Program I got a phone call which would plunge me into a test of my own resilience.

On July 31, I joined around 500 other people in London to hear a talk on The Science of Happiness by Dr Tal Ben-Shahar. Anyone who can engage undergraduates on the scale that he did at Harvard must have something very special to offer. He focused on three themes: paying attention, asking the right questions, and appreciation.

I shared this particular story in Dr. Rashad’s workshop of Positive Psychotherapy, and he pointed out that I was able to employ the character strength of playfulness to address an ongoing and challenging problem with my mother.

When they want to feel more loved, valued, respected or connected, most people give away their power. They ask (or want) others to be different, which means someone else’s behavior determines how happy they will be.
What do happier people do?

Earlier this month I got together with several of my colleagues to share ideas about using the VIA Character Strengths at work. We shared stories about seeing the same strength displayed in different ways in different people. Take Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence. Here are three stories about this strength manifesting in different ways in different lives.

We’ve had a tradition for several years now of presenting ideas for gifts for the holiday season. We’re a little late this year, but many of our gift ideas don’t require anything more than a card or piece of paper to make a promise. Besides, gift ideas are useful around the year for birthdays and other celebrations.

There are places where people live longer, happier and healthier lives. They are mostly in remote places such as Okinawa in Japan. On average, those who live in such places live 10 or more years longer than the average, enjoying active lives well into their 90s. What can we learn from these healthy people? The most important lesson is that people living in these geographic areas do not achieve this in isolation. The healthy choice is “the way we do things around here.”

Many of the major findings from this book about healthy and unhealthy male development and adaptation to life will likely astound you. Here are 10 findings to whet your appetite for more.

Instead of thinking about work-life balance, we can reach for work-life integration by purposefully exploring the ways that work, home, community and self connect and relate to each other. This requires us to be real, be whole, and be innovative as we search for 4-way win-wins.