Each morning the locker room overflows with people from all walks of life who come to stretch, swim, meditate, or pump iron. At 7:30 am, the early morning crew of active seniors completes water aerobics class and heads out for coffee as the pre-work professionals grab pilates or yoga classes before running to their offices.As I toss my towel into the bin and head out to work, I relish seeing my favorite cohort, adorable babies with mommies and babysitters getting ready for swim class. Watching these small humans proves the adage that we’re actually born with distinctive character traits. Many babies happily munch on Cheerios intrigued by locker room activity all around them. But sometimes piercing wails reverberate off locker room walls making sure everyone knows that someone is NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY while earnest mothers cajole and plead with their precious offspring to take off socks or put on bathing cap and goggles.
As we grow wiser, we begin to understand that we are the only ones truly responsible for our own happiness. It’s a choice to let someone else’s mood, actions, or words destroy our happiness. So today, on the 2018 International Day of Happiness, here are three simple actions to elevate your well-being.
Take a deep dive into what makes you unique.
The VIA Character Strengths and Virtues (CSV) Classification emerged from three years of globe-spanning research as leading scientists searched for universal character strengths that answered the question: “What is it that makes us human?”The scientists gathered artifacts from art, literature, and music across time, geography, world religions, and multi-cultural relevance. The 24 strengths that met their criteria include Creativity, Bravery, Love and be Loved, Fairness, Humility, and Gratitude, as shown in this image of the 24 strengths arranged in 6 virtue categories.
When you take a little time to complete the VIA survey you will be immediately delighted to access your signature strengths, the ones that make you the best version of yourself. Reading through your Character Strengths and Virtues Classification is like running into a dear friend from college or grade school, someone you used to enjoy. Perhaps you haven’t thought of this person in a long time due to the press of responsibilities that bear down on your busy, active, grown-up life.
The best part is that everyone has signature strengths. Empirical research by Gander and colleagues posits that use of signature strengths in new ways can lead to feelings of enhanced well-being, which can last for up to six months. Thus, doing something you love, in which you excel, can result in positive cascading emotions for up to half a year! I hope you will take the VIA this week. Post a comment about what you discover when you reconnect to your essence.Over the past 17 years that I’ve led Soaringwords, I have seen thousands of patients use signature strengths in pay-it-forward expressive arts projects to inspire other ill kids to “Never give up!” In my capstone research, I found that inviting a child or teen to do something kind for someone else by harnessing his or her unique strengths accelerates transformative healing.
Reframe things in the face of difficulty
The only certainty in life is that nothing is constant. Your ability to be flexible in the midst of challenges plays a significant role for you to be able to experience greater equanimity and balance, even in turbulent times. One way hospitalized children, teens, and family members experience greater optimism is by a process called reframing. Reframing is the ability to look beyond the negative or painful aspects of an illness or hospitalization and to see and appreciate some of the unexpected, delightful things that happen.In my upcoming book, I profile Anna. Anna is legally blind and deaf and the heart of the girl’s middle school basketball team in her small New Hampshire town. Her tenacity and courage inspire her teammates and opponents to put aside competition several times during each game for the purpose of giving Anna the thrill of scoring a few baskets. Although only twelve years old, this girl is a master reframer. As her family was driving home from a recent game in which her team was trounced, she told her parents, “I’m so happy, that was a great game. Last time we lost by 92 points, today we only lost by 75! I think we’re getting so much better.” Both of her parents raised her to find the bright side of every situation. They encouraged her to figure things out without excessively coddling her.
Think of an example in your life right now that could use some reframing.
Experience sacred moments of awe
Sometimes we experience positive moments that take our breath away. Most people state that awe is experienced in the midst of massive and staggeringly beautiful natural phenomena, such as a gorgeous sunset, an epic mountain range, or the beauty of the sea. Other people describe feelings of awe when listening to a powerful piece of music.Awe arises with feelings of admiring wonder when witnessing the feats of high-performance athletes or dancers.
However, children, teens, and families grappling with serious illness often recount that they experience sacred, fleeting of awe in the midst of pain or suffering. Awe involves being in the presence of something powerful often associated with feelings of submission or being overwhelmed.
I remember being on the beach with dear friends Elissa and Clint when their son, Jake, stood up by himself for the first time in six years. Anyone who witnesses a loved one speak for the first time after a debilitating stroke surely knows an awe that may be the most powerful emotion they’ve ever experienced. Be present. When you are receptive to awe, you will be rewarded.
Since awe is often inspired by nature, pay attention to rainbows, stunning sunsets, moody clouds, glorious trees, or the dazzling array of color on a single leaf.
Remember a moment of awe that you experienced in your life. How does this experience of awe and wonder make you feel more hopeful? Is there anything that happened after this experience that makes you feel more hopeful about something else in your life? Take a few moments to savor the experience by writing about it and send me a post.
International Day of Happiness: March 20, 2018International Day of Happiness is a wonderful time to remember that there are literally hundreds of opportunities each day to flex your character strengths. When you use your signature strengths you harness the best parts of yourself.
When things are not going well it’s an excellent opportunity to reframe things to recognize anything for which you can be grateful.
Remember that giving yourself time for stillness and reflection provides a daily opportunity to experience awe, a powerful emotion that elevates thoughts and souls.
Buksbaum, L. SOARING into Strength: The New Science Approach to Help You Heal. In preparation.
Gander F., Proyer R. T., Ruch W., Wyss T. (2012). The good character at work: an initial study on the contribution of character strengths in identifying healthy and unhealthy work-related behavior and experience patterns. International Archives of Occupational and Environmental Health, 85: 895–904. DOI: 10.1007/s00420-012-0736-x
Peterson, C. & Seligman, M. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification.. Oxford: Oxford University Press.
Most are used courtesy of Soaringwords.org.
The forest image is used courtesy of INABA Tomoaki with a Creative Commons license, retrieved from Flickr using Compfight.
Official logo of the International Day of Happiness