Home All Being Curious about Likes and Dislikes

Being Curious about Likes and Dislikes

written by Bridget Grenville-Cleave 26 August 2014

Bridget Grenville-Cleave, MAPP graduate of the University of East London, is a UK-based positive psychology consultant, trainer and writer. She is author of Introducing Positive Psychology: A Practical Guide (2012), and The Happiness Equation with Dr Ilona Boniwell. She regularly facilitates school well-being programs and Positive Psychology Masterclasses for personal and professional development. Find her on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter @BridgetGC. Website. Full bio. Her articles are here.

Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing. ~ Euripedes

Mike (C), Patsy (R) with Gwyneth and Graham

Mike (C), Patsy (R) with Gwyneth and Graham

Over Sunday lunch, my partner’s father, Mike, and my aunt Patsy mentioned that they belong to a local book club. The club is very small. It’s limited to 12 members so there’s always a waiting list. It meets once a month at a hotel to discuss the chosen book over copious cups of coffee and plates of biscuits. “It’s important to be on neutral territory,” says Patsy mischievously.

Each member suggests one book a year, which they all read and grade out of 100, taking into account the plot, characterization, and how they felt about the book. Both Mike and Patsy spoke about the book club with great enthusiasm so I was curious to know what they found so appealing.

Of course the social aspect is important. They appreciate the opportunity to meet up regularly with like-minded people especially to talk about books, something they both love. Patsy used to be a teacher and has always loved and promoted reading. After a long and successful career in the RAF, Mike taught a poetry class at the University of the Third Age (U3A) for many years.

However it isn’t the social side of the book club that they value most, or even the fact that it gives them another excuse to indulge in a hobby they enjoy very much.

The Benefits of Learning



Somewhat surprisingly, what really appeals to them is being tasked to read books they wouldn’t normally read. The challenge of intentionally borrowing (or even buying) a book in a genre or by an author that they wouldn’t naturally choose is what they really value. In the five or so years that the book club has been running they’ve read everything from C.S. Lewis’s Narnia adventures to Jodi Picoult’s Vanishing Acts and Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird (incidentally rated the club’s all-time favorite read).

At our age (they’re both in their seventies) it would be easy to sit back and stick to what you know,” says Mike, “but having to read books you don’t necessarily like is important. It really does broaden the mind.

Yes I agree,” says Patsy, “Opening yourself to new influences and new ideas is vital. You learn all the time.”

The connection between learning and well-being is already well-established. Learning is one of the New Economics Foundation’s 5 ways to well-being, one of Action for Happiness’s 10 keys to happier living. Love of learning is also one of the 24 VIA Character Strengths.

Although gaining new skills and qualifications (and the associated self-confidence) are worthwhile consequences of learning, you could argue that there are other less tangible but potentially more important benefits, such as opening oneself up to new opportunities and exploring new avenues. Who knows where they might lead? Of course, being curious helps, and the likelihood is that it’s a two-way street: curiosity leads to greater learning, and the more you learn the more curious you become.

The Importance of Curiosity

Intentionally reading books you don’t particularly want to read seems a strange way to spend precious time.  Patsy and Mike choose to do this and find this activity enriching. But what if you have no choice? What if you have to do things you find unpleasant?

In his excellent book, Curious?, Todd Kashdan explains how making up our minds that we have strong dislikes (for example, “I hate jazz, jogging, and eating Japanese food, and nothing will ever change that.”) sets up barriers. Our prejudgments prevent us from engaging in, and perhaps even enjoying, certain activities and experiences because we expect not to enjoy them. In fact doing things we think we won’t like with a curious outlook may shift our attitudes and change our expectations. This can be energizing.

Kashdan offers some simple, evidence-based advice for increasing your motivation to do things you don’t like doing, and possibly even benefiting from them. Quite simply, rather than doing the activity just as you would normally (probably moaning and groaning and wishing you were doing something else!), intentionally search for three novel or unique things about it, for example, things that you weren’t expecting or things that take you by surprise.

He gives the example of a teenage body builder who had previously scoffed at the idea of crocheting, but when he focused on finding three novel features, he became so engrossed he ended up spending 90 minutes on it. His initial judgment (“Crocheting is something for grannies.”) changed. He noticed interesting things, including that crocheting was surprisingly tiring on the fingers and that when he crocheted, time flew by!

Find something novel.

So perhaps it might be good for our well-being to sometimes do things we don’t fancy doing or find unpleasant.

Even if we can’t bring ourselves to do this intentionally the way Patsy and Mike do, increasing our level of curiosity by spotting the novelty in a job or task we actively dislike is a great way to make it less of a chore and open us up to new possibilities.

Reading a book I don’t fancy cover-to-cover seems a bit too much for me to tackle at this point in time, but a medium-sized basket of ironing awaits me. Usually I catch up with various favorite radio programs while I iron, but this time I’ll take Kashdan’s advice.

I’ll switch off the radio. As I take each creased and crumpled item out of the basket, remove its wrinkles, and transform it into something worth wearing, I’ll be curious, open-minded, and pay attention to ironing’s novel features.

What unpleasant task will you do today with added curiosity?




University of the Third Age (U3A) is an international self-help organization for people no longer in full-time employment providing educational, creative, and leisure opportunities in a friendly environment.

Kashdan, T. (2009). Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life. New York: William Morrow.

New Economics Foundation (no date). Five ways to well-being. Postcard series.

Action for Happiness (no date). 10 keys to happier living.

VIA Institute of Character (no date). Love of Learning.

VIA Institute of Character (no date). Curiosity.

Peterson, C. & Seligman, M. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. Oxford: Oxford University Press.



Bright Yellow Flower Crochet courtesy of singlestiches
Ironing Board courtesy of Nina Hale



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1 comment

Judy Krings 27 August 2014 - 11:23 am

Great article and super cool photos that made me smile.

I hate organizing my pig-sty computer/work area. I am going to make myself smile, Bridget, and think of you and Todd Kashdan pretending you are both here smiling while I playfully re-structure my desk area. A huge challenge.

Now if I could find a fun, novel way to pack for three weeks in India and Nepal using only a carry-on…

Thanks for sharing your uniquely human eye on our world.


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