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Sulynn

Sulynn is a positive change consultant and coach working with organizations to energize their workforce for outstanding performance. She designs and implements strength-based programs that facilitate building positive workplaces, and conducts in-house individual and group coaching sessions and workshops that focus on enabling leaders and managers to fully engage in their roles, thus enhancing both corporate results and individual well-being. Combining practical corporate experience with evidence-based research in positive psychology, Sulynn assists CEOs in evaluating their organisations’ existing and proposed change initiatives for coherence, congruence, relevance and positive impact through strategic road-mapping. She is driven by her passion for developing human potential and promoting human flourishing particularly in harnessing individual character strengths, personality and energy for organizational robustness and success. Her personal core values are integrity, commitment, honor and fun.

Positive Psychology Comes to the Philippines
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Positive Psychology Comes to the Philippines

written by Sulynn

NCCP Banner

 

April 25-26, 2013 in Naga City, The Philippines

More than 300 educators, psychologists, counselors, students, and administrative heads of learning institutions across the Philippines gathered at the Villa Careres Hotel in Naga City to participate in the First National Convention on Positive Psychology (NCPP).

The event had been a year in planning and organizing by the Ateneo de Naga University (AdNU), led by Dr Ronald S P Elicay, Chair of the Psychology Department, in collaboration with the Asian Center for Applied Positive Psychology (ACAPP).

Conference Theme

The theme of the NCPP was Potentials: Grounding Positive Psychology in the Educational Practice. It received endorsements by the Psychological Association of the Philippines, The Commission on Higher Education of the Philippines, and the Department of Education of the Philippines; as well as sponsorship by City Government of Naga.

   The president and mayor with Sha-En and Sulynn

The AdNU president and the mayor
with Sha-En and Sulynn

The welcome messages by Fr. Primitivo Viray, S.J., President of Ateneo de Naga University, and in particular, Hon. John Bongat, Mayor of Naga City overflowed with enthusiasm and positivity and showed understanding and appreciation of the significance of development in research and application of positive psychology in the Philippines.

Representing MAPP and the larger positive psychology community, Sha-En Yeo (Positive Education) and Sulynn Choong (ACAPP) served as keynote speakers and workshop facilitators. There were seven Filipino psychologists, psychotherapists, and practitioners who led workshops on well-being, creativity, optimism, and other areas related to positive psychology. ACAPP also ran two pre-event workshops on Positive Psychology at the Workplace for representatives of the corporate sponsors.

Banners along Magsaysay Avenue

Banners along Magsaysay Avenue

For months before, the faculty, staff, and students of AdNU had been busy planning the program, organizing for corporate sponsorship, commissioning memorabilia ranging from beautiful plaques for the keynote speakers to screen-printed totebags with custom printed notebooks and lanyards, ballpoint pens, key chains, and color-coded NCPP T-shirts for helpers, participants, faculty and so on.

What was really spectacular was the sight of 17 huge NCPP banners, each with a different positive uplifting quotation, lining Magsaysay Avenue alongside election candidates’ banners.

On the transit flight from Manila to Naga City, a lady actually asked if I was the keynote speaker at the psychology convention in Naga. She was a non-participant visitor to Naga, but had still heard about it. The publicity was phenomenal with print press, radio, and national TV coverage. NCPP was a festive gathering of enthusiasts who were eager to exchange notes, stories, and contact details. From the moment that a participant inquired about registration through to registration, arrival, participation, and departure, NCPP was a happy experience.

Sha-En and Sulynn surround Julie Anne

Sha-En and Sulynn surround
Julie Anne

How did the NCPP come about?

A year ago, Julie Anne Borras, a young part-time faculty member of AdNU Psych Dept sent an email to ACAPP inquiring about how she could get involved in positive psychology and when it would reach her shores. I replied with a challenge, “Invite me and I will bring positive psychology to the Philippines.” Before I knew it, Julie had spoken to Dr Elicay and the faculty, a national PP convention was proposed, and I arrived in Naga City four months later on the first day of the Penafrancia Festival to work with the AdNU folks who already had the program drawn up, the university president’s approval and the city mayor’s support. Talk about enthusiasm and zest!

Naga City was founded in 1575 by the Spaniards, and lies 254 miles southeast of the capital city, Manila. The city is also known as An Maogmang Lugar or The Happy Place, as well as The City of Smiles, following an amazing decade-long transformation from a decrepit city to a progressive exemplar city.

3 priests, 3 positive psychology practitioners

3 priests, 3 PP practitioners

Hospitality must be the middle name of the local people. Sha-En and I were not only photographed a zillion times and overwhelmingly pampered and feted in every way, but were honored by an audience with the Archbishop of Caceres, Most Rev. Rolanda J. Tria Tirona, who was keen to include positive psychology in his next retreat for the clergy. To top that off, at his invitation, we enjoyed a Spanish-Filipino dinner where the Archbishop, the AdNU President, and Fr. Erwin Blasa, regaled us with jokes and tall tales. Our NCPP experience was off the charts in positive emotions!

So what now?

Cebu City has already volunteered to host the next NCPP. Beyond that, both Sha-En and I took away from Naga, wonderful memories wrapped in overflowing gratitude and awe, plus a yearning to do more to facilitate and support the development of indigenous research and application of positive psychology in the Philippines.

There is a real and earnest need for studying what makes life worth living in a nation with limited resources. It also makes sense to share international resources. In the words of Mayor Bongat, “There is sense for the government to make full and maximum use of positive psychology to make up for the limitation of resources.” They can leverage evidence-based positive psychology techniques, theories, and interventions to alleviate the economic and sociological deprivation faced by so many and to help make life even more worth living.

Even as the NCPP participants are busily planting the seeds of positive psychology in their schools, colleges, and universities, ACAPP will continue to work with Dr Elicay and the President of AdNU, with benevolent commitment and support of Mayor John Bongat, and the Archbishop of Caceres, on making positive psychology available to more communities and sectors in the Philippines. Top of mind now is setting up a positive psychology book collection to kick-start the AdNU Center of Positive Psychology. What are your suggested titles?
 

 
Photo credits
All of the pictures except the last one are used courtesy of Sulynn Choong
Book collection courtesy of Ozyman

May 29, 2013 1 comment
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Home for the Holidays
AllHome and FamilyLoveRelationships

Home for the Holidays

written by Sulynn

I first read Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life by Hollis when it came out in 2006. Then I felt that I was not yet qualified to comment. Now that I am 50 and a bit more, I return to mull over “(T)he ultimate test of the family is not whether it provides safety and predictability, but whether or to what degree each person can leave it, freely, and return, freely, as a larger person.”

Lunar New Year in Kuala Lumpur

In Malaysia, we are celebrating 15 days of the lunar new year beginning January 23, with much ado. Incessant feasting. Daily visiting half a dozen homes of family, friends, colleagues and business associates. Special gatherings (with extraordinary feasts of course) on Days 1, 2, 4, 7, 8-9, and 15. Gaudy adornment of body, homes, offices, shopping malls, buildings, and gifts in bright red. Ear-splitting loud roar of firecrackers bursting along with the pounding drum beats that mark the rhythm for acrobatic lion dancers gaily bringing good luck and prosperity to all.

Lion Dancers

This is the last of four major family-centered celebrations until the next round.

In August 2011, we observed Ramadhan, the Muslim month of daily fasting and reflection on patience, spirituality, humility, and submissiveness to God. Every evening after sunset prayers, Muslims would make the effort to break the fast with family and friends, cementing bonds and healing rifts. Fasting ended in celebration on the first day of Syawal, with family members, followed by a month of thanksgiving meals with close friends, colleagues, and business associates.

In November, we observed five days of Deepavali (aka Diwali), a celebration of the triumph of good over evil, the ‘festival of lights’, by families performing traditional activities together in their homes, and with much food and gaiety with friends.

Christmas and the New Year were also causes for huge celebrations.

Traffic in Kuala Lumpur

Five Lessons from Traveling Home

I live along the North-South Expressway. On each of the above occasions, the expressway has been packed with tens of thousands of vehicles moving North and South depending on where Home is. This exodus from the City is not new. A journey of 200 km can take 9 hours, and yet people flock home to their loved ones. Not just the Chinese at Chinese New Year. Not just the Muslims at Eid Al Fitr at the end of Ramadan or the Indians at Deepavali. Not just the Christians at Christmas. Every one with family north or south, east or west of the country joins this exodus. I used to do the 9 hour 200 km in 11 hours too until Mum came to live with me when Dad passed on. Lesson #1: Home is where Mum is, and Mum represents Family. These days I only drive to the neighborhood supermarket during festive holidays

I thought about the reasons for going home in that crazy traffic during these times of celebration. Most return home for filial reasons, some with great joy and expectation, while others go home obligatorily. Robert Frost once said that home is where you go and they have to take you in. I wonder how many go home in hope that family and situations at home will be better this time and have become just as rosy as they dare imagine?

Carl Jung once claimed that the greatest burden the child must bear is the unlived life of the parents, resulting, possibly, in a denial of soul and a risk of passing the same malady to the next generation. I take that to mean that when I try to please my Mum and don’t live my life fully the way I want to, I risk the tendency to foist my unfinished life projects on to my daughter who being taught to be ‘filial’ will suffer the same fate and pass the same to her children. How sad and yet how true. Lesson #2: Live fully for myself and stop recycling pain.

Hollis says that each of us leaves our family twice. The first time, we leave physically at the end of adolescence to explore our destinies, and this is a relatively easy passage. Our second departure from home is psychological and often a separate, more critical and impossible task during the second half of life. No matter how far away we move and how many years pass, we somehow seem to keep the invisible family close at hand through our psychic gestures and patterns. Lesson #3: We can take ourselves out of Family but not take Family out of ourselves.

Three Generations

Hollis suggests that we ask ourselves as parents, “How well did the soul (of our child) flourish here?” considering whether we are creating or have created the dilemma of “Please my parents and die within, or live my separate journey, and lose their love.” He terms the breach of trust when we force our values and hopes and dreams on to our children as a form of spiritual violence, causing them to internalize our limiting life patterns. I also read, with rapt attention, Hollis’ description of divorce as “I thought I was to leave home, not home leave me,” and how the deep ache felt at the fracturing of family can create a longing for the wholeness of a safe, stable, and predictable home to belong to. Lesson #4: My child has the right to live her life and not my life.

There are those who do not take full responsibility for their own life journey, choosing to blame their parents (including long departed ones) and others for their foibles. Many are in the sandwich generation category who are raising teenagers and caring for their aged parents at the same time. Both types suffer from unmet developmental needs and tend to experience resentment that they try to hide. Long term repression of resentment becomes manifest in depression, crankiness, and burnout – anger turned inward. The strength of a chain is determined by its weakest link, and so it’s the same with family. A family’s struggles revolve around the least soul-fulfilled parent. Lesson #5: Take charge of personal growth before undertaking responsibility for the growth of others.

My Spirit Sees Your Spirit

To create a safe, stable, and predictable family environment, maturity, courage and personal risk are essential to support unconditional love and acceptance of diversity among those whom we call family. I love the word namaste which translates as “the spirit in me sees the spirit in you” – such an exquisite way of soul nurture. In the second half of life, let us strive to break the chain of bondage to our unfulfilled dreams and those of our parents and ancestors. Let us focus on thriving and flourishing with family.

I know of many who are truly happy to be home with family. These happy souls seem to become recharged each time they reconnect with family and synchronize family with their present and future. It would seem that Family supports their living fully – to come and go freely, and become larger persons.

Namaste!
 

 
References

Hollis, J. (2006). Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up. Gotham Books. Includes reference to Carl Jung.

Frost, R. (1915) The death of the hired man. In North of Boston: Poems New York: Henry Holt.

Images
Red lanterns in Kuala Lumpur courtesy of Slices of Light
Lion Dancers courtesy of amasc
Traffic in Kuala Lumpur courtesy of Aldas Kirvaitus
Three Generations courtesy of Aunt Owwee
Namaste courtesy of Louis Vest

January 27, 2012 0 comment
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AllBook ReviewDecision-MakingGlobal PoliciesRelationshipsTaking Action

Are You Being Held Hostage Without Knowing It? (Book Review)

written by Sulynn

BOOK REVIEW: George Kohlrieser (2006). Hostage at the Table: How Leaders Can Overcome Conflict, Influence Others, and Raise Performance. A Warren Bennis Book, San Francisco: Jossey-Bass

George Kohlrieser

George Kohlrieser

I love books that begin with a question, like Todd Kashdan’s Curious? and now the book by George Kohlrieser that asks, “Are you being held hostage without knowing it?” George Kohlrieser is a psychologist, hostage negotiator, and professor of organisational development at IMD, a leading business school in Lausanne, Switzerland.

The yellow dust cover with the image of a handshake taking place against a fiery background plus the interesting profile of the author attracted me. I found the book exciting, a clever tapestry of psychological insights woven into the complexity of human conflict behavior, all set against the dramatic backdrop of riveting insider stories of hostage negotiation. I love the simplicity and flow of Kohlrieser’s writing, his flawless narration of true-to-life hostage situations steeped in lessons about how our minds and emotions work both for and against us in the face of conflict, perceived danger, and uncertainty about what to do about it.

Rewiring the brain

Rewiring the brain

Written in the first person, Hostage at the Table recognizes that nobody is exempt from either the basic fight-or-flight survival instinct common to all living creatures or to the human propensity for negativity. True to the psychotherapist in him, Kohlrieser deftly guides the reader to awareness of an inner desire to be more – to be able to overcome conflict, to influence others, and to perform at one’s personal best. This book introduces a succinct new vocabulary that playfully facilitates re-wiring the brain to accommodate new behavioral responses to previously delimiting situations or conditions.

Golden Nuggets

Each one of us may be held hostage by situations, other people, our fears, expectations or perceptions. We may also be entrapped by cognitive and emotional states which render us powerless and helpless. To live with a hostage-free state of mind is to set ourselves free from these delimiting gun-to-the-head psychological chains, and to aspire towards living a life of possibility and flourishing. Knowing our own motivations immunizes us against becoming hostages. Focusing our mind’s eye on desired positive outcomes and the benefits, instead of on our natural bias for negatives, can empower us to look past pain and frustration towards victory and success.

Negotiators at the Table

Negotiators at the Table

In a conflict situation, we tend to take on a hostage mentality which focuses on the negative and repeatedly tells us what we cannot do and that we will never get what we want. Bonding is the antidote. It is the ability to form and maintain a relationship with our ‘hostage-taker’, understanding his needs or motivations – his mind’s eye, despite our own inner emotions that urge us to be aggressive or to run away. Bonding establishes trust and places us in a position to refocus the other party’s mind’s eye from a negative state to a positive state, thus defusing tension and opening a pathway for negotiation and resolution. “When we know how to bond, we are better equipped to avoid being taken hostage.”

 We bond in a special way to some people, goals, or objects that protect, comfort, and energize us. They serve as anchors or secure bases – giving us a sense of security, freeing us from being hostages in our own minds, and emboldening us to train our mind’s eye on possibility, exploration, creativity and doing what gives us pleasure and satisfaction. Our secure bases encourage us be resilient and resolute in pursuing our positive outcomes. Loss of a secure base can result in dramatic emotional upheavals from which some people find it hard to recover, becoming hostages to their losses. Learning to deal with such grief is necessary to finding joy or new secure bases.

Conflict Management

The book’s most practical and useful offering, building on these psychological concepts, is Kohlrieser’s masterful lessons on the art of conflict management, holding effective dialogue, using the power of negotiation, and reining in our emotions. Avoiding conflict is a common way to become a hostage to it.

Peaceful resolution

Peaceful resolution

Conflict is a reflection of broken bonding or lack of bonding, and its resolution depends on the ability to re-establish bonding. Effective dialogue is when two people are engaged in an exchange of thought and reflection, striving towards a deeper understanding of each other even when they are in major disagreement. Negotiation is dialogue involving a process of bargaining to help further resolve differences through question-based clarification of motives while establishing the negotiator as a secure base who can be trusted.

Read This Book!

Hostage at the Table is highly relevant to all people who want to get out of their own way so they can form and maintain successful relationships and perform well. It is a book that you can pick up and start reading from any point. Each chapter ends with a brief summary and exactly four precise, actionable points to remember.

There is a rich bibliography for those who want to read further. For those who like to dip into the book by topic, the index is comprehensive and handy. After reading this book, I have a new reference grid for organizing psychological concepts into applications for coaching, teaching, and training. Kohlrieser’s clever use of metaphors and true-to-life stories is a tremendous aid to making the lessons stick.

Alas! In my eagerness to share this gem of wisdom and priceless insights, my review pays short shrift to the richness of the research and eloquence of the award-winning author. Hostage at the Table is a book that defies a brief overview. This book ranks as a thriller even though it’s categorized under ‘management/negotiation’. The reader’s bonus is living happily ever after in a hostage-free state of mind.

References

Kohlrieser, G. (2010). Hostage at the Table: How Leaders Can Overcome Conflict, Influence Others, and Raise Performance (J-B Warren Bennis Series). San Francisco: Jossey Bass.

Images

New START Negotiators at the Russian Mission in Geneva courtesy of US Mission Geneva
Neurons courtesy of MikeBlogs
Peaceful resolution courtesy of NomadicLass

May 28, 2010 3 comments
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AllStrength 25th_2 Positive Traits

Piety, a Character Strength

written by Sulynn

Offering

Offering

I propose the addition of Piety to the collection of character strengths. Piety reflects acceptance and recognition of social order through reverence, fidelity and devotion to parents, elders, teachers, mentors, homeland, God, or other higher order. It is unilateral love and kindness, more than respect, honor and duty. Piety is an ancient virtue that underlies civility, is found in both Chinese and Greek traditions, and plays an unseen part in virtually every human relationship. It is absolutely essential to a well-functioning society.

Piety transcends logical reason. It is an interpersonal strength that seeks to promote another’s welfare without concern for what is fair. Piety is altruistic behavior. It is propriety – knowing what is meet and right to do, and doing it without expectation of return. Piety springs from deep reverence and respect, and embodies an abiding devotion of oneself to another, in contrast to obligatory duty and service.

Filial Piety

Take the case of Dave Pelzer who survived a traumatic childhood of unfathomable cruel abuse by his mother with his father standing by helplessly. Yet when Pelzer grew up after several foster homes and joining the Air Force, he sought reconciliation with his father and sat at the bedside of the dying cancer-stricken homeless alcoholic when the rest of the family was absent. His mother rejected his reconciliation, yet he forgave her and prayed for her release from torment. How is this possible? Pelzer felt that it was the right thing to do. Piety is what binds an adult child to a parent even in the absence of reciprocity.

Confucius Statue

Confucius Statue

Confucius taught that filial piety is the foundation of the virtues of humanity: benevolence, righteousness, propriety, knowledge, and fidelity. Filial piety is an unquestioning commitment to cherish our parents and to prevent harm to them because ‘every hair and bit of skin on our bodies’ came from them. It also moves beyond the family to the service of the ruler. Filial piety is complete when our character glorifies our ancestors.

Confucius described the symbiotic Heaven-Earth pattern of constancy and righteousness, and told Man to perform the task of practical duty to maintain harmony. Filial piety means to act honorably and with self control rather than with a motive for personal gain. Man should aspire to be an example of virtue and righteousness to others, worthy of reverence, honor and emulation. However Confucius warns that piety cannot be blind; there should be remonstration when the conduct of our parent/teacher/leader is unrighteous, trusting that the bonds are strengthened rather than weakened as a result.

Socrates

Socrates

Piety to the State

Similarly, Socrates believed that one should never do wrong nor disobey the state, arguing that state piety is a requirement although obedience to parents may be a temporary obligation. So strong was his commitment to truth and morality, that when he was imprisoned, he did not speak against the state even at the cost of his own life.

Religious Piety

Religious piety refers to the observance and practice of spiritual disciplines such as prayer and meditation as well as all manner of religious protocol peculiar to that faith. It calls for walking the talk. This is true across all faiths and in the secular world of discipleship to alternative spiritual gurus.

Sufficient unto Itself

Piety is also marked by abiding devotion – an ardent often selfless affection and dedication – to a person or a principle. There is no need for reciprocity as our acts of devotion are sufficient to themselves. In Chinese and most Eastern folklore, those who exhibit filial piety are more than heroes, they are the epitomes of virtue. To get an insight into acts of filial piety, read the 24 paragons of filial piety.

I can argue that Piety meets each one of the 10 criteria for character strengths, but will focus here on just a few of the criteria.

Criterion 2 Morally valued

Flial piety is highly revered and honored in China, India and across most of Asia and other collectivist cultures. The Ten Commandments places ‘honor thy father and mother’ right after honoring God.

Criterion 5 Trait-like

Filial piety is trait-like to Eastern cultures, while religious piety distinguishes practicing believers from lip-service practitioners worldwide. State piety is akin to citizenship in terms of devotion being manifested as loyalty and duty. In Eastern and perhaps collectivist Western communities, family traditions and customs ensure that piety is inextricably ingrained in the moral fiber of members of the clan. Like all virtues, piety grows in us through being used.

Criterion 6 Distinctiveness

Reverence in piety is unconditional and does not have to be earned. We do not revere a parent or a leader or deity because they are deserving; but because their place and ours in the social order is a fact. Piety is not duty although it resembles citizenship and responsibility. It is unwavering care and attention to the well-being and preservation of the object simply because it is a natural obligation.

Criterion 7 Paragons

A sterling example of a paragon of piety, both filial and state, is found in the heroine of a famous Chinese poem written during the Northern Dynasties (AD 420-589). A beautiful young woman, Hua Mulan, disguised herself as a male soldier in the Chinese Army for 12 years in order to spare her aged frail father from being drafted into fighting the war and to preserve her family’s honor. (For an animated vignette, see Disney’s Mulan.

Criterion 8 Prodigies

We also know the legend of little Hans Brinker (8) who, fearing the dangers of a leak in a dike to his little town, was up all night with his finger stuck into a hole in a dike to prevent water from trickling out thus saving Haarlem from flooding. Hans depicted the spirit of the whole country of Holland, symbolically declaring that a million fingers are ready to stop any leak in its politics, honor, or public safety – a fine example of state piety.

Closing Thought

Confucius warned that when the symbiotic universal pattern of our world is not matched by conscious practical actions which perpetuate harmony and benevolence, anarchy will prevail. I am of the view that when we forget where we came from, where we are going loses its pleasure, meaning and purpose.

 

 


Images
1998 Offering courtesy of anoldent
Confucius (Kong Zi, K’ung-fu-tzu or Kongfuzi) Bronze Statue. courtesy of drs2biz
Socrates courtesy of bencrowe

July 15, 2009 6 comments
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AllBook Review

(Book Review) Curious? by Todd Kashdan

written by Sulynn

curious Todd KashdanThe bright yellow book by Todd Kashdan peeks out at you and asks simply and provocatively, “Curious?” On the book’s spine, author Kashdan boldly volunteers that the reader might discover “the missing ingredient to a fulfilling life” inside. In fact, the book is testament to its subject matter – it excites and fuels curiosity which in turn creates new energy, inspires exploration and discovery, and facilitates the search and identification of meaning and purpose.

BOOK REVIEW: Curious? Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life by Todd Kashdan, Ph.D. (William Morrow, 2009)

How Do I Read Thee? Let me Explore the Ways

KashdanHow does a curious person read a book on curiosity? A curious person may get a bird’s eye view – nine chapters and 336 pages. Or a curious person may spend more time at the beginning with the benefits and features of curiosity. A curious person may get caught up in the artful storytelling of how curiosity can augment the happiness model of a life worth living. Or a curious person may revel in skepticism in looking at the unattractive face of curiosity. Or a curious person may meander, and Kashdan gives the reader plenty of opportunity to do so. As an Associate Professor of Psychology at George Mason University, Kashdan writes as if teaching an open-ended class. He generously encourages readers and practitioners to explore curiosity in themselves and others by digging deeper into the appendices, exercises, and tools, as well as the References enhanced by Notes and additional reading so that the reader’s interest will not be frustrated by some ambiguity. This scientist certainly knows his audience – the curious explorers who would ask questions even as they are reading.

Highlights of Curious?

The top three do-not-miss aspects of Curious? are the writing, the anxiety chapter, and the strengths exposition.

First, Kashdan writes in an easy conversational manner as if having a cocktail or coffee tēte-ă- tēte with the reader. While conveying the main takeaways about curiosity – embrace uncertainty, attract love and abundance, and master your life – Kashdan combines a comforting psychotherapist’s casual voice with compelling positive psychology facts and examples. Some of the positive psychology concepts woven into the fabric of curiosity’s multicolor coat include mindfulness, active-constructive responding, and strengths.

The second do-not-miss aspect, and the chapter that’s worth buying the book for, is Chapter 7: The Anxious Mind and the Curious Spirit. This chapter is effective through the metaphor of the twin control dials labeled Curiosity-Explore and Anxiety, borrowing from Stephen Hayes’ Two Systems (curiosity and anxiety) in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Anxiety destroys our capacity to tolerate ambiguity and complexity (Lerner) and our obsession with managing Anxiety preoccupies our mind, leaning space for little else. We try in vain to control the unyielding Anxiety settings and the more we try, the worse it gets. When Anxiety is at a maximum 10 and Explore is at 0, our openness to accepting our experience or considering novelty is zilch. The trick is to focus on the less obtrusive Explore dial which incidentally is more responsive to manipulation. Kashdan swears on it that when we turn Explore up high, Anxiety stops being stubbornly high even though it may fluctuate over time and situation. Mindfulness is the key here. Paying attention to what matters and the rewards makes Anxiety bearable. Optimal anxiety is when our coping potential matches the novelty or challenge of a particular experience, and we accept our anxious feelings (you also learn how to survive in quick sand!). Our coping competence gains strength from every challenging encounter and so too our confidence. The rewards of psychological flexibility and tolerance for distress trumps the psychological costs ranging from regret and deferred dreams to hopelessness and lackluster living when we fail to look Anxiety in the face. Readers will find strategies to harness the spirit of curiosity to lift the anxious mind – mindset shift, defusion of negative thoughts, or choosing a life of meaning and purpose.

Third, Kashdan’s book expands on his contribution to Character Strengths and Virtues, the chapter about the strength of curiosity, in the same way that a parable illuminates a moral lesson. Enlightening anecdotes, self-assessment exercises, and research-based evidence convincingly flesh out the notion of curiosity as “mechanism of action” of novelty-seeking and openness to experience – cognitively, emotionally, and behaviorally. Besides being a positive antidote to anxiety, curiosity opens up possibilities and ways for us to be at our best and to use our strengths – those phasic strengths which only manifest themselves in relevant settings, e.g. bravery, or the more trait-like tonic strengths, e.g. love of learning, appreciation of beauty and excellence, open-mindedness and so on. I enjoyed the important 42-page vividly grim reminder that curiosity, like any strength that is over-used or taken to the extreme, becomes an aberration and liability to self and others.

Why Care about Curiosity?

In his thought-provoking closing chapter, Kashdan dwells on the immense difference that meaning and purpose make in our lives: “Meaning is about gaining insight into what to do and what not to do when we’re faced with life decisions, big and small … [forming a] secure bedrock foundation [for working] towards a future that is most in sync with our deepest values and interests” (p.238). The author declares that curiosity, which we need to intentionally wield, is the “ultimate tool” that will help us “knit together” the future we desire. Purpose is a special type of meaning – a philosophy of life – a compass that sets the direction for our life’s journey, developed in any of three ways – we learn from others, we respond to life-altering events, or we proactively seek, or any combination of the three. “A fulfilling life is made up of fulfilling moments,” and having a purpose is one of the paths to a ‘more open, more exciting, more expansive, and longer lasting” life.

Curious about Curious?

In what I can only describe as a great compliment to the book, it took me a long time to read Curious? To pursue a thought or revelation that Kashdan’s writing invoked, I searched for books and articles to supplement my understanding. The book is testament to its subject matter – it excites and fuels curiosity. For instance, the chapters on creating lasting interests and passions and building rewarding relationships sent me on an “Oh, wow I can use this” frenzy, and had me sketching out ideas to use with clients. Similarly, I pulled Savoring off my shelf to compare notes with Kashdan’s observations about curiosity and anticipatory excitement. I referenced Flow in graphing out a quick plot of anxiety on scales of skills and challenges. Reading Curious? became a personal life review exercise. Curious? reset the configuration of positive elements for a life worth living with the introduction of a new perspective – my signature strength of curiosity in a starring role!
 

 

References:

Kashdan, T. (2009). Curious?: Discover the Missing Ingredient to a Fulfilling Life. New York: William Morrow.

Bryant, F. & Veroff, J. (2007) Savoring: A new model of positive experience.. Mahwah, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Csiksentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience.. New York: Harper Perennial.

Hayes, S.C. & Smith, S.X. (2005). Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life: The New Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. USA: New Harbinger Publications.

Hayes, S. & Strosahl, K. (2004). A Practical Guide to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Springer Edition.

Lerner, H.G. (2004). The Dance of Fear: Rising Above Anxiety, Fear, and Shame to Be Your Best and Bravest Self. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

Peterson, C. & Seligman, M. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

May 14, 2009 3 comments
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