Creating a Culture of Appreciation

Angus Skinner, MAPP, works in his beloved and beautiful Scotland as an independent management consulting professional. He is also a visiting professor at the University of Strathclyde. He has over 40 years experience of social work services across the UK. As Chief Social Work Inspector for Scotland for 15 years, Angus provided advice directly to ministers on all matters of social work service legislation, policy, and practice development. Full bio. Articles on Positive Psychology News by Angus are here.

We swim in the soup of constant discourse. The content and meaning of that discourse flavors our lives.

Say you are driving your child to school, and I cut you off in traffic (dead annoying). If you say ‘Men drivers – all the bxxx same” then your child has learned that this problem is pervasive (all men) and permanent (no hope).

If you say ‘Agh, I wonder what is wrong with that guy today?’ then your child has learned this is a temporary problem (today) and limited to one man (me).

Discourse like this goes on all the time – in offices, families, parties and in the street. Our chatter and its meaning is so ever-present, it often becomes submerged below awareness as explanatory style. But this soup we swim in it affects us.

It is easy enough to create a culture of depression. As humans we seem to be experts. Even when our natural skills in this seem to fail us we can call up ancient as well as modern manuals. Most cultures have norms and sayings that warn against too much enjoyment or success — they are like safety valves. They protect us from too much hope. I can’t blame us; sorrow, pain and death are unavoidable in life.

But, we have to be aware of the unintended effects of negative discourse. We should stop passively swimming in our soup and step forward as cooks in the kitchen. Intentionally, we can flavor life with appreciation.

Jedi Chef

A culture of appreciation provides a stairway for upward spirals in relationships, emotions and performance. John Gottman’s research shows that healthy family relationships require a 5:1 ratio in positive to negative interactions. Barb Fredrickson and colleagues have shown a 3:1 ratio is required for functional organizations. Seems we will put up with more at work … well, we’re paid for it. I believe creating a culture of appreciation is mainly about listening, whether in organisations or in personal relationships. If people don’t think you are listening, they cannot hear what you say. Listen. And be creative. Whatever your situation, you can build an upward spiral. The discourse, the conversations, the body language – it’s all crucial to creating a culture of appreciation.

Enjoy making your own soup!

References

Alesina, A., R. D. Tella, et al. (2001). “Inequality and Happiness: Are Europeans and Americans Different?” National Bureau of Economic Research Working Paper Series No. 8198.

The answer to the question posed in the title is ‘yes.’ Using a total of 128,106 answers to a survey question about happiness,’ we find that there is a large, negative and significant effect of inequality on happiness in Europe but not in the US. There are two potential explanations. First, Europeans prefer more equal societies (inequality belongs in the utility function for Europeans but not for Americans). Second, social mobility is (or is perceived to be) higher in the US so being poor is not seen as affecting future income. We test these hypotheses by partitioning the sample across income and ideological lines. There is evidence of inequality generated’ unhappiness in the US only for a sub-group of rich leftists. In Europe inequality makes the poor unhappy, as well as the leftists. This favors the hypothesis that inequality affects European happiness because of their lower social mobility (since no preference for equality exists amongst the rich or the right). The results help explain the greater popular demand for government to fight inequality in Europe relative to the US.

 
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Cooperrider, D. L., Sorenson, P. F., Whitney, D. K. & Yaeger, T. F. (1999). Appreciative Inquiry: Rethinking Human Organization Toward a Positive Theory of Change. Williston, VT, Berrett Koehler Communications.

Cooperrider, D. and Whitney, D. (2004) Appreciative Inquiry: A Positive Revolution in Change. San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler.

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Gottman, J. & Silver, N. (2000). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert. New York: Three Rivers Press.

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Vaillant, G. (1998). Adaptation to Life. New York, NY: Harvard University Press.

Images: Inspiration Soup by Olaf, Jedi Chef by Arbron