Comments on: Turning around the Hidden Power of Blame

By: Sherri Fisher

Sherri Fisher — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:03:47 +0000

Thanks for all of the great comments!

The hardest thing for any of us steeped in MAPP research to do is forget that we know it when we are teaching (or writing about it)to others. We are not relating information as much as providing a context for relevant experience. That is much more difficult than passing along what we know. I’m happy to have been able to choose topics that resonated with you, and would love to hear back as you try these approaches to “making others more positive.”

Our boxes, like comfy shoes, are hard to step out of!

Cheers,
Sherri

By: Phil Merry

Phil Merry — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:10:05 +0000

Excellent summary Sherri – and particularly apt as we move into 2009. this year will give people plenty of chance to blame others with some many predictions about what will co wrong with the economy etc etc. it is an apt reminder that the only person we can ever change is ourselves. I find it useful to immerse myself first in the quality i want others to display – eg if i think someone else lacks kindness i will be kindness personified in everything i do – and the strange thing is that when i do this – others begin to change around me. I think we only see things wrong in others because that is something we need more of in our own lives. MANY THANKS – Phil Merry SIngapore – http://www.simply-happy.com

By: Jeremy McCarthy

Jeremy McCarthy — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:32:31 +0000

There is a short film called “validation” which highlights in a funny way how ACR can change others. Check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao (warning: it’s 17 minutes long)

By: Jeremy McCarthy

Jeremy McCarthy — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:28:19 +0000

This reminds me of a great Twilight Zone episode about a guy who hated everyone around him. Every day he would ride the subway to work just seething with disgust at all of the other people in the car. He comes upon a book that teaches him magic and when he learns enough to develop his powers, he casts a spell to make everyone in the world just like him (since he is the only person he actually likes.) The next day is a nightmare come true as he boards the subway and everyone is as hateful and seething as he had been.

I don’t know the research on this but I imagine the disgust reaction is a reflex that comes quicker and easier with practice. I like the ACR suggestion as a way to try and practice experiencing elevation in stead of disgust and hopefully develop new habits.

By: Kathryn Britton

Kathryn Britton — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 22:02:59 +0000

Sherri,

That’s a hard lesson to learn — that the only people we can change directly are ourselves. Reading your article made a lightbulb go on about various child-rearing efforts. The only thing I could really do was change my own actions — whether and how I responded to various behaviors — even though I was thinking about making behavioral changes in my children.

Another thing that comes to mind is strengths-spotting. Alex Linley in his book Average to A+ talks not just about becoming aware of our own strengths, but also becoming more sensitive to demonstrations of strength by others — and then perhaps mirroring them back.

Great message.
Kathryn

By: John Yeager

John Yeager — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:47:23 +0000

Sherri: You provide a realistic post on the limitations of Positive Psychology, and at the same time a realistic roadmap for the “healer – heal thyself” idiom.

By: Scott Asalone

Scott Asalone — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:29:38 +0000

Sherri,
Does this mean I have to put away my cape, tights and superman shirt? I’ve struggled to save people for years from themselves, usually to have them turn on me. Just kidding, but I do find it much more seductive to save others than work on myself. I love the reality of this article and the “limitations” it identifies with Positive Psychology (heck, with any psychology). In most of my work in corporations everyone looks for the silver bullet — usually it is for everyone else.
Thank you for highlighting ACR. It works well both at home and in the corporate setting. AND most importantly it changes the user as it offers positive opportunities for everyone to grow. Thanks for the insightful article.

By: waynej

waynej — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:08:37 +0000

Sherri, This is the dilemma for positive psychology – everyone thinks its about being positive as exemplified by the comment “they are so negative, and I’ve tried everything to make them more positive.” It is so much more!!

Cute dog – we have a 10 month old old english sheep dog who insists that they are a lap dog – doesn’t quite work.

By the way Sherri, can you contact me.