Comments on: Tell Me Your Story

By: Denise

Denise — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 15:07:28 +0000

Ben,

Thank you for your comments … you ask important questions worthy of many pages and years of philosophical inquiry. I think there is value in realizing our stories our so multi-faceted … shaped by context, information on hand, constantly-revised memory-making, our listeners, and those who taught and teach us how to synthesize stories in the first place … expanding one’s attention, and maintaining flexibility in thinking, as you suggest, seems very valuable. Very best, D.

By: Ben O'Neal

Ben O'Neal — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 14:59:18 +0000

Denise, thanks for your comments on the relationship between one’s stories and the way one tells them, and subjective well-being. Most of the time our story is one made up by a 5, 7, 10, 12 or 15-year old. These stories are, of course, based on things that happened. But we only select those things that fit the story we want to tell. And the story we want to tell is determined by our point-of-view at the time (schemata, Weltanschauung, model of the world or whatever-I don’t know the right word to use.). This point-of-view we bring to the events is what gives meaning to our experience. The “world-as-we-experience-it” (Lebenswelt, I think) is an abbreviated and distorted replica of the “world-out-there.” Can’t we learn to tell a different story by bringing in other things that happened, and different interpretations of what happened? Comments will be appreciated.

By: John Rhodes

John Rhodes — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 04:02:40 +0000

Hi again – well — it is soooooooooooooooooooooooo good to just be alive – imagine that = you are alive – just alive – get up in morn and anything can happen === let it !! don’t be stubborn – be flexible – be slow – be patient – go slow and savor every moment you are alive on the planet – wowowowow- just being alive is a starter for me – wow agin and again – hope to see you all again tomorrow – now remember this — committ it to memory = the Irish Fishermen had arrived at the coast in the morning – they would fish today as they have done for years – the ocean was rough BUT nothing they had’nt seen or done many many times before — soooo they went fishing – the last reports heard on shore were that the coast guard had suspended all rescue attempts and any efforts to retreive their bodies – the sea was tooo rough – NOT ONE OF THOSE FISHERMEN, WHEN THEY GOT UP THAT MORNING, THOUGHT THEY WOULDN’T BE GOING HOME THAT NITE — LIFE CAN BE SO TENUOUS AND FRAGILE – NEVER TAKE IT FOR GRANTED AND GIVE LIFE YOUR ALL- GIVE IT YOUR ALL AND NEVERNEVERNEVER NEVER GIVE UP===

By: Dave Shearon

Dave Shearon — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 04:04:59 +0000

“the power and generosity of attentive listening” — Love that! I might add in “appreciative.”

By: Denise

Denise — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 17:37:10 +0000

Amy, I agree. We can learn a lot about someone — we can also miss a lot, depending on their habits of storytelling and our own habits of listening and responding. So much depends on where we rest our attention!

By: Amy Alarilla

Amy Alarilla — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:26:37 +0000

This provides very interesting insights into how a simple thing as people telling thier stories can already provide you a lot of insights about that person and also hints on how you can help that person along her journey by listening emphatically or simply by just being there for that person.

By: Kristen

Kristen — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 20:13:08 +0000

This makes me think of blogs, and that the ones I enjoy reading develop a little like a book, with the author finding happiness despite minor setbacks and learning a little more about their life and the people in it. Of course, with blogs, it’s a challenge not to project any expectation that someone’s life IS a story and should move at a pace consistent with keeping me, the reader, interested, but I do find I’m less interested in the ones written by people who never experience any roadbumps as much as the ones who are angry and only write to blame, rant and complain. It’s the personal growth aspect that I find most interesting, and which most draws me in as a “listener”. Then I also feel compelled to comment and share my experiences and insights for the author to take or leave.

By: Denise

Denise — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 15:25:17 +0000

Denise & Kathryn, thank you for your thoughtful comments. I agree it’s worth paying attention to how we tell our stories and considering the implications of repetition (just via storytelling) and the impact on memory. Also to look at habitual habits of listening, and what we respond to in others.

By: Denise Quinlan

Denise Quinlan — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:31:22 +0000

Hi Denise,
I love your story – it’s gentle yet powerful. It reminds me that every time someone asks ‘how are you?’ and we choose to tell them what is going wrong in our lives, we are weaving the ‘life as a series of problems’ narrative. Coming from a culture where it wasn’t good to be better than others, it was OK to share what was wrong, but not what was glorious or delightful. Thanks for the reminder that it’s worthwhile finding new habits.
Cheers
Denise

By: Kathryn Britton

Kathryn Britton — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 21:29:49 +0000

Denise,
I love the implication here that we can choose to weave different stories around the central facts in our lives. When I think of Victor Frankl, for example, I can see other ways he could have told his story… without the inspiring impact on those of us who have never yet met that level of suffering but are braver about our smaller challenges because of the story he told.

I also think about the kinds of stories we like to hear or read — what impact they have on us. My favorite stories have a lot of everydayness in them — everyday people, the interactions among them, the small things that make life rich. Not for me the shoot-em-up style!

Thanks for opening up this topic.
Kathryn